


My Procrastinations

by Write_Your_Rose



Category: Multi-Fandom, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Continuous, F/M, Multi, Writer's Block, procrastination
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-04-06 02:06:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4203861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Write_Your_Rose/pseuds/Write_Your_Rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a compilation of all my little drabbles that I write when I have either 1) Writer's Block or 2) Zero Motivation. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Choices to Make

**Author's Note:**

> This is a compilation of all my little dribbles that I write when I have either 1) Writer's Block or 2) Zero Motivation.  
> None of these are edited, other than the transfer from hand-written to digital. Many of these are cheesy and/or just plain bad.  
> But hey, if you're reading this, go ahead and read below, too and let me know what you think.

"Hey, Jared!" I greeted cheerily. My massive Mastiff dog Thor thrusted his head between my legs to greet his human twin standing outside my trailer. 

Jared grinned slightly at the sight. "Hey, Syd. Thor, you goof ball," he said, patting Thor's giant skull. The giant pup replied with a giant lick to Jared's hand. I swatted Thor's head, causing him to retreat back to the small couch.

Jared looked back up, and the smile faded. "Can I come in?" he asked tentatively.

"Sure," I said, frowning at his far-off expression. I stepped out of his way, allowing him to walk through, and closed the door. Jared tried to find a spot to sit on the couch, but Thor's entire body covered it. "Thor, off!" I commanded. 

My lazy dog, big ball of fur he is, rolled off the cushions, making himself look like a rug on my cheap tile floors. Jared sneezed at the sudden release of incessant dog hair and sat down on the right side of the couch. 

I leaned against a post opposite him. "So what's up?" I asked.

Jared didn't immediately respond. He stared at the floor where Thor dozed, lightly petting him with his foot. He glanced once at me and opened his mouth, but no words came out. He slumped into the corner of the couch.

Worry was slowly over-taking my mind. "Is it another bout of depression?" I wondered. Jensen had warned me when I became a regular guest actress of his best friend's condition and how it can affect his general demeanor. "Should I call Jensen? Or his wife? Surely they can help him better than I can."

All these worries and questions remained unanswered as Jared continued to stroke my dog absent-mindedly.

"Sydney," he finally said. But that seemed to be all he could say, before his face darkened. He suddenly looked much older, much more tired than the usual actors grind makes him look. 

"Jared, what's wrong?" I urged. I stepped over my dog and sat on the couch. "What can I do to help?"

Jared looked over to me. The hurt in his eyes, the raw pain broke my heart. 

He leaned over and pulled me into his massive arms. I wrapped mine around his waist and waited for anything. Tears, dry sobbing. I could do that. I could handle that.

But his lips gently nipped at my ear. My body shuddered at the sensation.

"Whoa!" I exclaimed, pulling back. A thousand little bells were sounding off in my brain. "What was that?"

Jared didn't look at me and just pulled me back into his chest, his arms tightening around me.

This was very, very bad. I knew exactly what that was. At least two guys I dated have used that ear nipping trick on me before. I should not continue hugging him.

And yet, those years as a distant fan, at least six years of obsessing, daydreaming, and even fantasizing about Supernatural still causes me to forget that Jared and Jensen are both happily married to amazing women and have children and that they are completely off-limits. I've told myself a thousand times that these were real people, not a fantasy toy. Neither of them have ever seriously flirted with me. So why now?

I wiggled my way out of Jared's grip and pushed myself to the far edge of the couch. "Jared, I think you should call your wife about this," I blurted unthinking. 

Jared scooted back to me. Grabbing my chin, he looked me in the eyes, and I was again caught up in the sea of pain that flooded his eyes. A single tear fell from his eye and landed on my cheek. Bending down, he kissed my cheek with the tear gently and pulled up again.

"We've not spoken in weeks," he murmured. It sounded like he was trying to seem seductive, but all I could hear was the hurt he felt from that simple statement.

That didn't stop my body from burning with a desire to feel his lips again. The feeling of his kiss against my cheek sparked a blaze in me that I was ashamed I even held. 

"Jared, this-" I stammered as he leaned against my body, his face coming closer and closer.

Thor barked explosively, causing the both of us to jump. I took the temporary distraction and scrambled out from underneath Jared. I leaned against my small kitchenette and picked up the first thing I could hold. A picture of me babysitting the Thomas, Sheppard and JJ for the two families' double date night. It was before I had done my second episode, and I was more than willing to take care of the kids.

What was happening now, I couldn't do that to Thomas and Shepp.

"Sydney, let me explain," Jared said once Thor stopped barking. 

I held up my hand, now refusing to look at him. I couldn't be sure of what I would do. "Don't. At least, don't explain to me," I said. I put the picture down gently and pulled out my cell phone.

I pressed the screen to my cheek, the cheek he kissed, as the phone rang. 

"Hello?"

"Jensen, you need to get here ASAP," I urged. 

"What's the deal? Thor get loose again?" Jensen asked annoyed.

I glanced back at Jared. He was bent over, his head in his hands. His shoulders heaved and trembled in silent sobs.

"Jared needs you right now. He's with me in my trailer," I said.

"I'll be there in five," Jensen said, and he hung up.

\----

Jensen got her in 3 minutes. I decided Thor really needed a walk at that very moment.

As I closed the door on Jensen asking what's wrong, I took a long deep breath and started along the set track.

"That was way past too close, Thor," I muttered, completely ignored by the giant. "I mean, it would've felt nice, at first. Sex always does. Wait, I don't know if he wanted sex. Of course, he wanted sex, but then again he was crying. That could also be his coping mecha- no, that's stupid. He's been treated for depression for years, now. He would have healthier and smarter ways to cope. But why was he coming onto me? And why hasn't he spoken to his wife in weeks? This is ridiculous!"

I stopped abruptly, accidentally choking Thor for a second. My brain felt like it was being stabbed a thousand different ways. 

I checked my watch. I had been rambling to myself for about twenty minutes. "Let's go back, now, boy," I said. Thor followed happily, unaware that he might've prevented me entering into an affair.

When I finally returned, Jensen was waiting outside my door.

"Hey," he said, petting Thor who eagerly leaned against him.

 "So?" I asked.

"Listen, I know what Jared did was incredibly idiotic and wrong," Jensen started. "But please keep this to yourself."

I don't know what I was expecting. Something a little more than this perhaps.

"Are you kidding me?" I said. I stepped in close, so that only we could hear. "What he did could not only jeopardize his marriage, but could jeopardize my career! He should at least apologize for that!"

"And he will!" Jensen agreed. "But not right now."

My blood felt like it was boiling. Jensen put up his hands as if to protect himself.

"Listen, he's going through a really tough time with Gen, and the boys are sick and he can't be with him. He's just not handling the stress well right now," he explained. "He hasn't made a huge mistake yet, even though a few moments ago was pretty close. Please don't ruin this for him."

"For him? Are you fucking kidding?" I hissed. I wanted to throttle him. My head was hurting and everything seemed terrible and wrong.

I threw up my hands. "I can't think right now. Talk to me later," I growled, pushing past Jensen. I threw open the door and led Thor in. "Better yet, have Jared apologize, _then_ talk to me about not blabbing."

I slammed my door shut and violently yanked the leash off of Thor. In the silence, the anger and hurt I felt subsided slowly.

I felt like a bitch. Of course I understood the stress. And I know how devastated Jared would be if he lost Gen and his kids.

Everything was just so confusing. I slumped onto the couch, letting Thor jump up and nearly crush my lungs with his cuddly weight. 

The pillow I put my head on was wet with tears. I turned it over, but I could still feel that one tear sitting on my face. 


	2. Fan-Fiction with Jensen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why I thought it would be a good idea to tell Jensen about my fan-fiction, I will never know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE!!!!!!!!  
> So this is the first post I've made since October. I was working on my NaNoWriMo book, and while I didn't get to 50,000 words, I'm hoping to start working on The Choice and finish it by the end of December.  
> But, in honor of Finals Week and Procrastination, here is a new Procrastinations Fic! Last time it was an RPF with Jared, so here's one with Jensen!

I frown at my little journal, the unusually pink patterned pages mocking me with scribbled out words and frowny faces. Chewing incessantly on the cap of my lavender pen, I don’t hear the clumps of heavy shoes approaching.

“Writer’s block?” Jensen’s voice rumbles. I jump and clutch the journal to my chest. Looking up at the tall man, I see a familiar tired smile pulling at Jensen’s freckled cheeks. He pulls his chair closer and slowly lowers himself into it.

“Just trying to figure out how to put some flaws in my characters without making them annoyingly imperfect,” I huff, lowering the gibberish filled journal hesitantly. “Or making them a caricature of me.” I cap my pen and close the floral pages.

Jensen snorted. “Well, good luck on that,” he says. He eyes the journal curiously, making me attempt to hide it out of habit. “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s it about?”

I duck my head, my cheeks burning red. I risk a glance at Jensen, just as realization dawns on his face.

His good-natured grin falls, and he groans.

“Oh, God. It’s one of those fan-fictions, isn’t it?” he says, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

“I swear, it’s not what you think,” I plead quietly. I hold so much respect for Jensen as an artist, and he’s become a mentor in this dreadfully cruel industry. Yet, knowing his opinion on fan-fictions in general, I can’t help but feel his disapproval, especially with the way I treat his character in my fic. “I just- I’m trying to-“ I can’t really explain why I write what I write. It’s not nice, and sometimes – or a lot of the time – it’s not happy. But it’s what’s inside me.

Jensen takes a deep breath, and he leans on his arm rest toward me. “I know I’m going to regret asking,” he says. “But what is you fan-fiction about?”

I stare at him, trying to gage whether I really should tell him. But he seems sincere and at least trying to remain open.

I chew on my lip as he looks at me expectantly. I sigh, and I launch into a basic synopsis of my fan-fiction.

As I explain, I look at my journal and my pen bag teetering on my legs. I can feel Jensen’s eyes boring into my head, and my cheeks burn more and more as I fidget and stammer through.

And just as I thought, he can’t take hearing anymore.

“Wait, John does what?” Jensen interrupts incredulously. His eyes, normally quiet and kind, glare terribly directly at me.

I bury my chin into my shirt. “Because of the demon blood from the fight, John’s soul becomes corrupt enough to where he physically and sexually abuses Dean for losing Sam in high school,” I repeat.

Jensen’s nostrils flare, protectiveness over his character almost choking me. I can’t take it.

I scramble my journal and bag and scurry away just as Jared walks up to Jensen.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I hear Jared ask. Always so concerned for Jensen. Another person whose respect I’ve lost now.

I’m not required on set for the rest of the day, and I make a mad-dash for my trailer. I slam the door behind me and let the tears flow freely.

“I’ve never felt so small,” I sob quietly to myself. I clutch my journal to my chest and slid down to the floor. I wrap my arms around my knees.

Minutes pass by, and I allow the embarrassment flow through me. After a while, I lift my head and return my thoughts to my fic. The familiarity and safety I felt pulled me out of the fog.

I stood, and then it hit me.

The next event, action, characters all appeared as if in a film in my mind. I can see the tortuous things I almost have to put the characters through and where they need to be next. My hands twitch around the journal, and I stumble through the small compartment to my room.

I leap onto my bed, dropping and grabbing my pens within seconds, and I’m writing madly on fresh pages. The images flowed as easily as the tears before onto the page. My hand writes, and I am powerless to stop it.

By the time I finish the first draft of two chapters, it’s almost call time for my next scene. I have two hours until I have to be at makeup.

My eyes droop and burn in sleep-deprivation, but the thought of going to sleep only to wake up again in just a few hours made my stomach churn.

I type up the drafts and publish them on AO3 within an hour and scroll through social media until it’s time. I drag myself out of the trailer.

When I see Jensen, I say nothing except my lines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Feel free to comment!

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, you actually read all that? Gee, thanks! Since you're here, mind leaving a comment below? :)


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